Larry Hnetka Goes HMmmm

Every neighbourhood has “The Neighbour.”

You know the kind who gets down on hands and knees to wash the sidewalk. Or comes screaming at you because the dog is peeing somewhere near her yard. Or complains about the scourge of her neighbours.

“The Neighbour” in our block has unilaterally decided there is a major problem on our block.

The problem: a tiny white cockapoo named Heidi who lives across the street from “The Neighbour.”

Don’t you know, “The Neighbour” says: Heidi barks; Heidi plays in her front yard; Heidi pees and poops when taken for a walk.

Allegedly, “The Neighbour” has called the police about Heidi’s barking. She has begun compiling a list of abhorrent Heidi behavior. On one day, Heidi was let out to play in her own fenced front yard 11 times. “The Neighbour” now has started to “secretly” videotape Heidi and her mom.

Talk about the neighbour-from-hell. It just gets stranger with each passing day.

I was told “The Neighbour” has not once actually spoken to Heidi’s mom. She talks to everyone else on the block. She isn’t shy about all her “data collection” activity.

I stopped talking to “The Neighbour” several years ago. I live in a three-unit condo building with three carports in the front which conform to off-street parking bylaws in our neighbourhood.

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Photo-stitched panorama shot of the front of my condo complex with the energy-sucking carports.

Click on the photo for a larger
version and to read the caption

Do the carports have curb appeal? Not really, but you do the best with what you have.

I had noticed “The Neighbour” never walked on my side of the street. One day while walking the dog on her side of the street, she stopped me.

With pointed finger, she asked if I lived in “that place” across the street. It was pretty clear she was pointing at my building, so I said yes.

“Well,” she huffed, “do you know anything about feng shui?“

I admitted I didn’t know much about it. She gasped and told me we just had to do something with the carports because every time she walked by, her Chi (energy) was sucked right out of her.

A Feng shui expert was the only solution to the energy-sucking carports, she said.

Thinking she was joking, I laughed loudly. She added that until we took care of the carports, she would just have to “avert her eyes” as she passed by.

When I walk my dogs, I often let them pee right on her lawn when we pass by her perfectly feng shui-ed yard. The carports are the same as the day she earnestly implored me to get the Feng shui expert to fix them.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 at 11:30:41 PM and is filed under HMmmm, JOURNAL. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.