When diaries go to the cats and dogs
See Spot Run — A Dog’s Daily Diary:
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█ 8:00 am: Dog food! My favorite thing!
█ 9:30 am: A car ride! My favorite thing!
█ 9:40 am: A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
█ 10:30 am: Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
█ 12:00 pm: Lunch! My favorite thing!
█ 1:00 pm: Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
█ 3:00 pm: Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
█ 5:00 pm: Milk bones! My favorite thing!
█ 7:00 pm: Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
█ 8:00 pm: Wow! Watched TV with my master! Heavenly!
█ 11:00 pm: Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Puff That’s Enough — A Cat’s Daily Diary:
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Day 683 of my captivity.
▓ My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
▓ They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
▓ Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. The audacity!
▓ There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
▓ Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
▓ I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously mentally challenged!
▓ The bird has to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captives have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe……. for now….
November 21st, 2006 at 11:22:58 AM
OH MY GAWD!!! that is really funny..you just know that is exactly what they are thinking..remember Cats rule..Dogs drool..very funny Larry loved it..thanks for the well wishes by the way..musch better today..I do hope that I have paid my flu dues for the year..:)..m
November 21st, 2006 at 8:08:59 PM
can’t take claim for authorship of this though - received it in e-mail from my kooky friend Bob, the travel agent. Glad you like dit though.
November 21st, 2006 at 8:51:29 PM
I’ve always loved this - you can just see it all over a cat’s face! That’s why I think I really enjoyed Cats and Dogs - the movie seemed to capture their personalities.
Thanks for posting it!!
November 22nd, 2006 at 1:30:52 PM
that’s all just so TRUE
February 20th, 2007 at 5:38:28 AM
CATS RULE DOGS DROOL! The movie cats and dogs is dumb making cats evil and dogs good it’s the other way around! IN YOUR FACE LEE!