Touch my feet and you’re toast
I admit it. I have ugly feet. More precisely, I have ugly toenails. I can’t stand anyone touching my feet.
Lounging back in a hot bath, I can scrub any part of my body. But my feet? No way. I have a second washcloth just to get at the gunk between my toes. I aggressively tackle the calloused bottom of my feet with an old, but trusty loofah brush.
As for having a pedicure? I shudder even to think of it.
My friend E. loves pedicures. Her dainty little feet and toes are the darlings of those who handle feet for a living.
Last spring, E. delighted in telling me her pedicurist d’jour used the latest technology on her feet: a Dremel tool. Yup, that’s right — the high speed rotary tool essential in any crafters arsenal.
The Dremel shrieks in its high speed rotary state. Having someone come at your feet with one of those would send me heading for the hills before you could say “cut your toenails straight across.”
On the subject of cutting toenails, I have invested in a specialized toenail clipper. One with long handles and heavy duty cutting edges. I soak my feet in the bathtub. In one painless click, I can cut each sucker with that industrial strength clipper.
Today, E. confessed she had not had a pedicure for a couple of months. She was busy. As a treat, she and a friend decided on a whim to head over to the best pedicurist in Vancouver. She said, there they sat, side by side, soaking their feet and chatting.
When the pedicurist attacked her right foot, the toenail clippers broke in two.
Which proves my point. Even in the world of the professional foot handlers, there are horror stories. I will never be one of those “his feet were so ugly” stories passed on from professional pedicurist to fellow pedicurist.
I will handle my feet alone. I will use my industrial clipper. I will wear socks at all times. But never black socks with dress shoes and shorts as seen recently on a favourite brother of mine. I may hate my feet, and more precisely, my toenails, but I do know what to wear on them to accentuate their positive attributes.
Last 5 posts in JOURNAL
- Today I began a new journey - November 19th, 2008
- A day to reflect - November 11th, 2008
- Siblings together over five decades - November 8th, 2008
- 102 Canadian women will die this week - October 3rd, 2008
- Room with a view - September 27th, 2008
November 15th, 2006 at 11:05:56 AM
Well, I’ll commend you on your fashion sense anyway
November 16th, 2006 at 7:40:24 PM
I let the podiatrist deal with my toenails. I don’t mind touching my feet, but I hate looking at them.
December 4th, 2006 at 1:01:43 AM
, while browsing through blogs on the Canadian Blog Awards. Good blog. Quite funny. I’m gonna vote for it. I liked it because some of the stuff that makes Larry go hmmm also makes me go hmmm, like our shared belief thatnobody other than ourselves should touch our toes. I believe Larry is sitting at about 15th spot in awards voting, well behind Raymi The Minx who is currently leading with 317 votes (it’s a wonder what some nude images of yourself can do for your popularity).